I was googling something and tripped over Judith Lasater’s website.  I love the bit in her sidebar where she talks about making peace with the present moment by holding back from judging her thoughts and feelings. 

We’re talking about the negative judgements of course.  I can’t think of too many days where I think, wow I really groove on feeling anxious like this.  Or, man, this soul-sucking loneliness really rocks.  It must be building character! 

The negative judgements are an issue because they pile onto the first lousy thought or feeling you had and then before you know it, there’s a festival of ickiness swimming around in your head.  And then you have even more to resist and feel lousy about.

Judith’s strategy is to remind herself she’s human:

….when thoughts arise followed by thoughts of judgment I tell myself…. “how human of me to have a thought of X”.  This helps so much when I look at the behaviour of others as well.

When I say silently to myself, “How human of him to act/react with anger or fear or disappointment” then there is a space for compassion to arise in me. And I like how that feels. Then I am at peace with the present moment. 

I have been using this.  A buddy of mine is going through a divorce and some days I’m convinced that it’s just as hard for the people in their circle as it is for them, although I’m sure they wouldn’t agree and that’s totally fair. 

Why is it we want the people we love to be extra good to each other during a break-up when they weren’t good enough together to want to stay together anymore?  Why is it we want to believe that people find their one soul mate and stay with them forever, even though relationships and people prove to be a lot more fluid than that?  I’ve seen people get really upset when people break-up or have affairs and it’s not because they’ve never heard of it happening before.  But it’s like someone is ripping down their belief systems thread by thread.  Or maybe it’s because when it happens close to home it’s proof it could happen to them too. I dunno. Some days I think we should all be grateful our relationships survive as long as they do.  We’re so damn human. And when I ask myself these questions I catch myself.  I catch myself wishing things were different for my friends and I say to myself, “how human of me to care about them and wish things were better for them.”  And when I talk to someone who loves them and hear about their frustration I think, “how human of her to wish this was less painful for herself and everyone else.”   And then I think, “how human of me to hope that it will be better soon.”