I love winter solstice rituals because I’m not big on winter or the dark.  Recognizing and celebrating the shortest day of the year makes me feel like it’s ok, it may even be useful and it reminds me it will pass.  I like that “from the darkness into the light” imagery. 

I used to go to a winter solstice get-together at one of the big ol’ churches in Toronto.  Everyone sat in benches in a circle with a candle and called out things, people or issues they wanted to remember.  It was beautiful and moving.  I didn’t find anything similiar in Halifax when I moved here, although I understand one of the local studios did something this year.

Honeybunny and I used to do something at home regularly and then we stopped after Angus came along.   But I felt the urge again yesterday.  We haven’t been consistent with all the elements except for 3 questions: 1) What are you grateful for from this past year?, 2) What do you want to let go of from this past year? and, 3) What intention are you setting for this coming year? 

It had been a busy afternoon and evening so last night we skipped all the possible soltice elements and just answered the questions for each other.  It would have been powerful just writing them down, but there’s something uber-powerful about saying stuff to another person and being heard. 

And it’s funny because HB and I talk all the time, but it’s not the same.  We talk in those clipped practical sentences that parents probably everywhere do.  “I have zero thoughts on dinner”,  “what’s up with that kid?” or, “when’s cocktail hour?”

It felt so good to be heard that I’m grateful for Leo and love him like crazy but am *really* looking forward to moving past the “all baby all the time” routines of having a nursing newborn in the house.  I’ve had quite enough. 

My intention is to find some balance in the coming year between my jobs, my passions and my family.  I know it will be absolutely impossible to find a thing called “balance”, but I at least intend to work on recognizing and addressing the imbalances to keep things from being completely out of wack. 

Then we had a good talk that turned into a useful discussion on strategies to use when Angus goes into zombie mode.  The times when he’s energetic and pushing boundaries and you try to stop him and he turns and looks at you with completely vacant eyes and then goes back to whatever he was doing that you were trying to stop.  At those times we try to get him to stop and listen but it’s an uphill battle for a five year old zombie and we agreed last night that maybe we need to lower our expecations. 

Do you remember the SNL skit “Lowered Expectations”, the dating service for less attractive people?  It’s kind of the parenting version of that.  Maybe we just need to hope that in this moment we can get him through zombie mode without hurting himself or much else and then enjoy him again when he makes it out the other side. 

Maybe we need to try distaction or involve him in something we’re doing so we make use of the energy in ways that don’t involve him breaking all his toys.  One day I’m sure we’ll know exactly what to do, or the secret to avoiding it.  But until we’re wise and all-knowing — lowered expectations. 

I keep telling HB that we d0n’t need to fix stuff with him *today*, we have 18 years of parenting this kid to get it right.  I’m trying to convince myself too.  It’s hard not to be focused on The Things My Kid is Doing That Makes Me Crazy.  When there are lots of things he’s gotten past because we were actually successful at talking him out of it, or he simply outgrew it. 

For example, he doesn’t eat toothpaste or dig in his nose half as much as 6 months ago.  We need to remember that too.  I’m convinced that trying to take the long view is the best way to remain calm.