It’s All About the Blog

I was really jealous of my Mom the other day.  I’ve been dry on the inspiration front.  Not writing in my blog.  Not feeling inspired about anything really.  No juice.  No interesting thoughts, just a head full of the usual mundane workaday stuff.

And then here’s my Mom.  She’s become an Elder at her church and was asked to come up with some material to use around Advent.

She had nothing.  She didn’t feel a huge affinity for the celebration.  She started by looking up  the meaning of the word, it means “coming” and was sure what to do next.

The next morning she wakes up at 5:00 a.m. and all the material is laid out in her head.  It stems from the definition she looked up and she has each of the 4 weeks material organized in her mind, she just needs to write it down.

I was so jealous.  I’ve had those moments of inspiration, out on a run or waking up and they’re awesome.  I think there’s a Paul Simon quote about how when the song writing muse hits it’s absolutely amazing and the rest of the time he spends waiting for it to happen again.  So right.

And here’s me, dry as dust.

So since my conversation with Mom I’ve been working more on trying to nuture it.  Sometimes jealousy is a useful way to understand what you want.  So when my inner cranky judge says sarcastically, “wow now *that’s* really life changing”, I’ve worked on ignoring it and writing down my scraggy little thoughts anyways.

I’ve been making sure i get in my meditation time and trying to spend thinking-energy on things beyond the mundane, whether it’s listening to a podcast or watching a good movie, or reading a thought provoking book.

And it also means looking for inspiration wherever you can get it.

Yesterday I was wondering what to teach in my yoga class.  I was on the way home with Leo who’s three and i said, “Leo what should i teach in yoga tonight?”.  He said, “fire”.

And even though there was a voice in my head going, “you gotta be kidding, you’re going to look for advice from a three year old who’s not even a certified yoga instructor?”.  I thought about it anyways.

I couldn’t think of any poses off the top of my head related to fire.  But then i thought about the poses that help build fire in the belly, in the second chakra.  And i thought about how in the winter time we just want to hibernate and eat heavy rich food (tis the season!).

And i thought about how good it is to do these fire generating poses to not only build some energy when you need it, but also help your digestive system do its work.

So I told my class all about that last night and i said, “this class brought to you by Leo the three year old”.  And we did the building fire poses and threw in some kundalini stuff as well and had a great relaxation at the end of the class and it was all good.   It was a great reminder to look for inspiration from the grand lofty sources, and the little ones too.

 I love the “How To Be Alone” video.  It’s shot by local filmaker Andrea Dorfman here in Halifax. I love the shots of Gus’ pub and her getting into the face of the Winston Churchill statue.  I also love her handmade slippers, my Grandmother used to make those too and I was much to cool to wear them.  The poet is Tanya Davis and it’s a nice quiet feel-good peice.

Previously I did a lot of things alone.  I’ve travelled alone a lot and am totally OK with that.  I love the peace and quiet of reading on a place with no where to go. At some point I stopped living with boyfriends and got a place of my own when I was in Toronto. It was the upper floor of a narrow house where you could grab a fork while sitting at the table. 

I’d spend Saturdays walking blocks and blocks from one end of Queen Street to another, meandering in and out of places.  I can also go to movies by myself and know lots of people who can’t. I’ve been mostly OK with being alone.  But sometimes I’ve had to remind myself I want to be 100% OK with it because I wasn’t quite there.

Now with two children and a husband in the house I’m not alone very often.  Some days I crave it.  Some days I just have to stop at a coffee shop and sit by myself, reading, or just sitting.  Some days when I have the house to myself I stop and wonder what’s wrong and then notice, oh yeah, it’s dead quiet in here and it’s just me.  Those days are so rare. 

And what’s crazy is that while I look forward to the quieter times when the kids grow up,  I know from hearing other people say it,  I’ll also miss them.  But right now when the chaotic moments are so, well, daily,  I just can’t imagine not enjoying being alone.

So I’ve been shaking my head lately about where this blog is going.  Sorry, we’re on a bit of a navel-gaze here, but it’s my blog and I can navel-gaze if I want to.  No wait a second, that’s pretty much all I’ve been doing, hence this post.

I can’t believe I wrote about God last time.  Not to mention all that personal dharma stuff that I mentioned publicly as a way to force myself to do them.  Do you feel used yet?  Or to quickly bring this back to me – what horrifyingly personal revelations are coming next??  It’s getting the point where I need to wait a few days to *get up the guts* to write my next post even if I know exactly what it is and have a draft sitting in WordPress. 

But it’s all good.  It’s not called “Playin’ the Edge” for nuthin’.  I want to write on the edge of my comfort zone.  It’s absolutely where the juice is.  I’d highly recommend it :-)  Why hold a tiny dental mirror up to yourself when you can stand in front of a full-length magnifying mirror.  And see all your zits in their glorious zitty splendor.  And share that with others who set up a feed because they seem to care about your zits too.  Maybe it it reminds them of their own.  And that’s the universal truth really – we’re all zitty.  So why bother hiding.

I read this post by someone writing about feeling the fear and expressing it anyways – or not, in the case of the hottie in the orange shorts.  I’m with her.  Here’s to writing from the heart and giving out your phone number more often.

I have been dry as dust on the blog front.  I feel like there’s nothing interesting to say, let alone anything wise or insightful.  And while my yoga practice ain’t bad these days, I’m not seeing anything new there that needs reporting.  It’s amazing how sometimes the blog post just gets pulled out of my madly typing fingers, and other times I’m like “blog?  what blog?”. 

And then the trick is to not feel stressed about it.  No one wants to read a blog post that talks about how long it’s been since the last blog post.  I don’t even look at the dates.  I try to make it part of my non-judgement practice.

I’m going to blame winter too.  Hybernating doesn’t always play well with baring yourself in your blog.   It feels a little too naked.  A little drafty for wintertime comfort.  But too much comfort is probably part of the problem too.   I need to be willing to get uncomfortable.

I’m also thinking too small about what I can write here.  So I hereby grant myself permission to write about any ol’ thing.  Regardless of what it says in the tagline at the top of this page :-)

Let’s see if that helps.

Allow me a navel-gazing moment here. I can’t believe it, I’ve been writing this blog for 6 months now. Time has sure flown. I remember thinking, it’s probably really dumb starting this close to Xmas. But whatever, that’s all distant past now.

I was perusing my entries in a nostalgic moment completely amazed that I’ve found so much to say. When I started I wasn’t sure I’d even have weekly content, but boy once I started churning out the entries, it’s been like a rough case of verbal diarrhea.

I also thought I wouldn’t have the time and that it might weigh on me as *another* responsibility. But it hasn’t been at all. I’ve gotten a little hooked on it. I was always a journal writer and really, this is more fun. I guess it’s become an outlet that I’ve come to appreciate.

Looking through the stats there appears to be readers too. More this month so far than last month total. That’s crazy and a little scary. And lots of people using RSS Feeds, which is so smart, good on you geeks ;-).

I promise to never get cranky about a lack of comments because I am the world’s biggest lurker. But really, if you have any requests or if there are topics you’d like to see more entries on, leave me a comment. Happy reading.

So I’ve asked myself a thousand times while setting up the hosting, getting the URL, figuring out what blogging package to go with – why am I doing this? and now, why am I here? Is this to up my rankings in case I’m googled by ex-boyfriends? Why am I joining the throngs of people pounding out thousands of blog pages per day about their latest dessert, coffee addiction, the cute thing their kid did or news about their pet gerbil Ron?

Well there’s a few things I do know. I’ll never be as funny as Dooce and god help me cause my Mom might read this blog, I’ll never be as intimately honest as ol’ Steph (but good on ‘er). I hope to blog a little more often than “daily” guy but now that I’ve said that publicly I’ll be struck with paralysis and blogging two words a minute with a popsicle stick in my mouth.

So why – lesse, i’ve always been a journaler and love to write, I love to do/think about/read about/talk about yoga and haven’t seen many yoga-related blogs. I love to yammer about yoga at the beginning of the classes I teach. I also hope that I have perspective to add because I’m a maverick. I started with Ashtanga, I enjoy Vinyasa more these days and took my teacher training in the Kripalu tradition. I look for the good stuff from all the schools.

I’m an experienced beginner. I’m a practical person who counts on yoga to make me feel better and make my life work better. And that’s got nothing to do with getting my foot behind my head, in fact I prefer my foot to be where i can keep an eye on it. I’m interested in yoga both on the mat and off. So I plan to chat and ruminate, take some diversions, make some recommendations and hope it’ll be a fun ride.

I’m sure soon every yogi and their pranayama teacher will be yacking away on the web. But hey, what the hell. Talk to you soon.