Playin’ The Edge

So I’ve managed to scrape together two important things to know when you’re a parent.  First the 80/20 thing.  Pareto must have been a parent because I’ve realized that 80% of the time the I love my kid and love being a parent.  And then 20% of the time, or at least that’s what it feels like, I’m about to kick myself, or him, to the curb.  That’s where the yoga breathing comes in.

I took Angus swimming for the first time and felt so bad for the teacher.  There were only two boys in the class but man, it was like herding cats.  And not regular sane cats, but nutty insane cats.  Cats on PCP.  There were lots of the people in the pool, it was noisy, there were a zillion distractions and my kid was not grasping the concept of “teacher” and  breaking every rule.  I was mortified.  That was a 20% moment.

But it all comes out in the wash, because 2 or 3 classes later I had relaxed a little and Gussie seemed to be hearing at least every third word the teacher said.  I noticed there was a little red haired boy shivering and crying in the corner.  Poor guy.  And I thought heck, at least Angus is having fun even though he’s half listening.  But see the red-haired kid probably sits for hours at home and colors.  He probably tells his Mom he can’t wait to clean up his toys.  My kid spends more time imitating the Tasmanian Devil.  So it all comes around.  That’s the other thing I know from parenting.

And then there was the screaming girl.  She’s about 5 or 6.  She was the only one in her class and maybe that was by design because the teacher would hold her to help her swim   and the girl would scream at the top of her lungs, 4 inches from the teacher’s face, “STOP STOP PUT ME DOWN STOP STOP!!”  Nonstop.  For the full 30 minute lesson.

And the Mom was sitting on the side of the pool looking like she wished the concrete would open up and swallow her.

But see her 80/20 might be different.  Because I’m sure this little girl is a handful alot more than 20% of time.  But I think for this Mom the 80/20 might be over her daughter’s lifetime.  Because I look at that girl and think, my god if they can channel even some of that chutzpah, that I’m-gonna-tell-the-world-what-I-think-dammit, she will save babies.  Millions of them.  She will fix world hunger.  And that’s no mean feat when I read that the price of medium grain rice in Thailand doubled in price since last year.  Her mother will watch her win a Nobel prize.  And hopefully it will all be worth it for her then.  Because it has a way of coming around.

Here’s another example.  Parenthood comes with a bunch of them.  My kid was playing with a neighbour kid we’ll call Will.  He bit my kid so hard it broke the skin.  It was like a baby vampire mark.  It was wild, I’ve never seen anything like it.  Did it upset me?  No way, cos I know things come around.  I got him settled down, we talked it through and they went back to play. 

Sure enough, Angus traps him in the Tickle Trunk (you Mr. Dressup fans know what I’m talking about).  He stands on the lid and then the trunk collapses, crushing a screaming Will inside.  Yup, they were even.  One kid in need of a tetanus shot, the other in need of some therapy.  It’s all comes around.

The problem with work is that we bring our emotions to it.  Being people with emotions, I guess it’s hard not to.  But sometimes I get a glimpse of what’s possible.

While my own financial stuff is always wrought with emotion - what I spend, what I buy, whether one day I’ll be living under a bridge in a cardboard box - sometimes I work with a financial person who sees it objectively.  They see it simply - money come in, money goes out.  The revenue pay the bills and the bills need to be paid.  It’s just numbers on a spreadsheet.  No emotion required.

And a good project manager does this for me too.  I’m all freaked about the pile of work on my plate and how will I clone myself this week to get it all done and why me lord and all that.  They look at it as - there’s this pile of work, you’re the ‘resource’ who will do this particular pile, so what date do you think each task will be done?  And they’re just dates.  If someone isn’t happy with the dates they can find new resources to help, switcharoo the priorities or suck it up.

So why get all whiney and freaky?  If your pile is too big, say so.  If you need help, ask for it. If there’s information you need, get it. If you haven’t had a vacation in 8 months, take one. 

And if you need a mini-break check your Facebook page to remind yourself of the people who love you whether or not you’re a successful wage slave.   

Stella’s comment from the last post reminds me of the great question we ask ourselves at work.  What is it with my manager?  You’d think she has her own boss, and set of issues and objectives that are totally different from mine, because she sure doesn’t seem to be focused on how I feel and what’s going on with me! 

What’s up with that?  Well, for starters, let’s all remind ourselves that since sh*t runs down hill on the job, she’s up to her ankles and we likely don’t even know about it.  And may never know about it.

The thing about managers is they don’t go looking for trouble, they have enough of their own, so if you have some you need to share and *then* it’s added to their plate.

I worked with a business analyst kinda person and our boss was a total when-I-say-jump-you-say-how-high kinda guy.   And he would pile the projects on this woman.  Please find out x asap.  Put together some proof of y by my friday meeting.  And she’d say, “what does he think I can do here?  I’m only one person and he’s sent me 12 urgent projects in the last 4 days.  I don’t even know where to start!”

So she got really good at dropping him an email that said “Here are the 12 urgents projects you’ve sent me in the last 4 days, please prioritize them so I know I’m working on the most important thing for you.” 

Well being a total control freak - he was *thrilled* to do this for her.  And then no issue, she could just focus on the first thing on her list and not the whole list and what this meant about how thoughtless her boss was. 

Hey, I know there are lots of lousy managers out there, and that’s a whole other issue.  But this guy just wanted to get the information to make a decent decision so we could be successful and all keep our jobs.  That was his job. And he was good at it.

Here’s how bad I am with this. I had this project dumped on my plate and then the dumpee was cheesed because it wasn’t done on the date he thought it should have been completed, but he hadn’t actually shared the date with me and it didn’t matter because I was too busy on other stuff anyway. 

So I mentioned it to my manager, mostly as a butt-covering, she should hear about this from me first move.  Well she actually had really good advice about how to get it done.  She suggested how to piece it up and what to delegate to the intern.  And the sad thing?  I love my manager dearly but I was surprised.  Because I believe I need to carry my burdens all on my own.  Because I believe help isn’t in the offing. Hopefully I’ll learn - just mention it.