Wed 12 Mar 2008
Have you done the “Sat Nam” meditation before? It rhymes with “But Mom”. The Kundalini yoga folks use it alot. I read that it means “I Am That” and I didn’t really get it before. It also means “That” as in the “Truth” or the “Divine”. I don’t really get that either, but it came to mind recently.
At work I was moved to sit next to some geeky guys who I didn’t know from Adam. I wasn’t happy with the change, not the geeky guys so much as the changes. I said some not-nice things about my new neighbours. I was angry. I was in SERIOUS RESIST MODE.
I’m not going to repeat what I said in front of the whole interweb but to the dear friends I confide in (ok, let’s be honest it’s “Rant at”) thank you for liking me anyways.
It’s a funny thing about being unkind, we hate being victims of it but we all do it to. In Leah McLaren’s column on the weekend, she was talking about her body and how one of her breasts is larger than the other which earned her the nickname “Biggy Small” in high school. OK it made me laugh but can you imagine?
We say kids can be so cruel, but we all can and it’s not nice to see in yourself. Heck if you think seeing it is bad, try blogging about it. And that’s the point. The minute we close ourselves off and say “oh boy that’s so not me” it’s just your Shadow side coming into play. That’s the icky stuff we don’t really want to see. You say “I’m A and I’m B and you can bet I’m C, but I sure has heck ain’t D”. But you are. Maybe just a little. And so am I.
Because the fact is, we don’t get to choose. I Am That means it’s a package deal. And if it does fold back to the Truth or the Divine (I don’t pretend to understand this, just stumbling through the dark here) it’s because we need to accept it all. It all just is. And it’s all good. The Light doesn’t exist without the Shadow.
And when we’re able to get our heads there it reminds us how much we’re all connected. Even when life cheeses us off and we choose to focus on how we feel so darn seperate.
So here’s how I know that to be true. The other day sitting next to my geeky neighbours somebody brought up Firefly which is a favourite cancelled show and then we talked about what Joss Whedon is going to do next and we agreed that it will hopefully be more Firefly than Buffy. And then we talked about how Summer Gau rocked in Firefly and amazing that fight scene was, it was like an intricately choreographed dance number, and yes, she used to be a dancer, she hurt her ankle and went into acting and no wonder she got picked up for Terminator, she’s been great we haven’t seen her blink once and thanks to the writer strike we finished the “series” by watching her jeep get blown up and since Fox hasn’t said they’re renewing the series (hello! you owe us, why do you think we even turned *on* the TV during the writers strike!?) we may never find out what happened.
(Sigh) So yup, I’m a package deal. I can be unkind. I am a geek. I Am That.