I have an intimate and regular relationship with the “shoulds”.  It seems to come naturally to me.  I’m always pushing myself to do some thing or another.  But I’d prefer not to work that way.  I know that I’d like to be driven by what I *want* to do.  Either be clear that I want to do it or stop doing it.  I’d be a happier person.

I read a couple interesting things about this recently.  In The Sedona Method they suggest that to let go of ’shoulds’ you ask yourself “Could I be ok with doing this?”and “Could I be ok with not doing this?”.  They suggest that even if the answer is “no”, just asking the question can help take some of the tension from it.  And I think it’s true.  It seems that even allowing the possibility it could go either way gets me off-track from mindlessly driving myself.  I need to try that one more often.

And then I read a thing about Non-Violent Communication in The Wisdom of Listening.  It talked about how when we do something we hate and feel like we have to do it, we’re in victim mode.  We feel powerless.  But the fact is it’s still a choice, we’ve just made it a “should”.  So when we see it for what it is - 1) something we choose to do (even if we hate it to death) or 2) something we really can ditch - it’s a decision we can work with.  Then we’re out of victim mode and back in control. 

I think I’ll ditch the shoulds and look at what other clutter I can ditch from my life while I’m at it.