Playin’ The Edge

When it’s tough to manage the food requirements on a detox, sometimes you feel like you have to live like a monk – in silence, at home eating tiny bowls of plain brown rice.  But it just ain’t true.   One of the things that you can do quite enjoyably while detoxing is make Sunday dinner.  Of course it doesn’t have to wait til Sunday, Saturday is good too.  It just means making a pile of good food so that you have leftovers or invite some friends over so that your lifestyle feels less monkish.

Roast chicken with double-baked potatoes is the perfect kind of menu for this.  It’s hearty food that you wouldn’t make on a weeknight and the baked potatoes make it feel a little special.  Double baked potatoes are the perfect thing to do on a weekend day when you’re puttering around.  They need time, you want to start early, but they’re not a lot of work.

The other cool thing about a dinner like this is that it helps you save a bit of money.  Detoxing can feel expensive but you get a lot of meals from a roast chicken.  After you’re finished de-meating it, throw the chicken bones in the freezer until you have time to cook them up to make a stock.  Divide the stock up and use some for adding flavour to rice and stir fries.  Or make a veggie soup.  Add some brown rice to your veggie soup and it’s a stick-to-your-ribs detox lunch.

Baking potatoes are easy on the budget too.  They aren’t expensive and you can make a bunch of them, freeze or refridgerate them and then bake them when you’re ready to eat.  Or even microwave one for a quick detox lunch.

I’m not providing a recipe for roast chicken because you can find a million of them online and i don’t have a particular favourite.  But here’s how to do the:

Double Baked Potatoes

Start early in the day so that you can let the potatoes cool before you scoop out the guts, it’s not worth burning yourself.  You’ll need 4 evenly sized baking potatoes.  Turn the oven on to 400 and scrub the potatoes.  I love potato skins, it’s where all the vitamins are, so scrub ‘em good because you’re inviting me over too right?  Prick them each a couple times with a fork and then put them in the oven.  Don’t worry if the oven isn’t up to 400, the potatoes can use the extra time.  Set your timer for 60 minutes.

At the 60 minute mark, prick them again with the fork.  The skin will be firm, but the potato inside should be soft.  If not, give them another 10 and check again.

Once the potatoes are done, set them on the stove and let them cool.  When you’re ready for the next phase, cut each potato in half and scoop the guts out with a spoon into a good sized bowl.  Try not to destroy the skins.  Put all the skins on a large pie plate or plate.

Mash the potato guts and add 1 TB of butter and a bit of chicken stock at a time until you get a nice mashed potato consistency.  I put in about 1/4 cup of stock.  Add salt and pepper to taste.  Sprinkled in some dill if you like it.

If you like a simple smooth mashed potato, you can stop here and fill the potato skins.  If you like “stuff”, consider adding a chopped green onion.  Also a handful of parsley is good.  You could also put in some lightly steamed tiny broccoli bits to add color.  Be creative.  If you have a lot of guts, the potatoes will be nicely mounded and that’s ok, they’ll just need a bit more time to warm.

If you know your guests will have *no* interest in eating like you are, sprinkle a little cheddar on their potatoes, you know, the stuff that’s getting hard in the back of your refridgerator because you’re detoxing.

Cover the potato plate with plastic until your chicken is 15 or 20  minutes from finishing and put them in the oven.   If the potatoes start getting browned they’re done, but as long as they’re warmed through you’re good (i stick a finger in one to see what the inside temp is and then memorize which potato it is to ensure it ends up on my plate).  If your chicken needs to sit for a bit, you can put the potatoes back into the warmed oven.

Make another veg or salad for this meal and your friends will so impressed.  You may  get another detox convert to join you next time.  Happy detoxing.

Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.

Mary Manin Morrissey

Wow Happy New Year.  And what a time of imbibing and noshing I’ve had!  Although I’m not a big resolution person (I seem to attempt improvements all the time) I do have some plans for bettering my eating, getting my exercise and rest.

I know for many, the new year involves starting a detox and good on you!  Sometimes when I start a detox I am totally keen and can’t wait to kickstart it. When I feel that way I make this soup.  It’s super good for you and also tastes really good.  There’s something about green and white veggies that pack a double whammy of cleansing with high octane nutrients.

This recipe is from my second detox cookbook and when I was recipe testing I gave it to some friends for lunch (who weren’t detoxing) and it was so good they asked for seconds.  It’s also really flexible, I swap in spinach, peas and broccoli for the green, if that’s what I have in the house.  I also add a handful of leftover brown rice to my bowl when I want a more substantial meal.

Green Soup
1 tbsp olive oil
3 leeks
1 leaf of kale
1 cup chopped celery
2 cloves garlic
2 slices of fresh ginger
½ cup chopped parsley
chicken or veggie stock*

Chop the leeks and sauté them in olive oil.  Add coarsely chopped kale, celery, garlic, ginger and parsley.  Add enough stock to just cover the contents and simmer for 30 minutes.  Allow the soup to cool a little and then puree it.

*always check the ingredients to make sure it doesn’t include ingredients like msg and yeast that should be avoided during the detox.  I find organic brands are the most reliable.

I came clean with my yoga class the other day.  I confessed.  Even though I preach the good word about listening to one’s body and taking care of oneself, I hadn’t been.

I have had a sore shoulder for a year and finally went to a health practitioner about it.  How’s that for taking care of myself?

It was my baby carrying side and when my baby was a year and a bouncy 20 pounds we celebrated my other son’s birthday by going on Theodore Tugboat.  It was a great trip around the harbour and i learned a lot about Halifax but I also carried Leo on that side for the whole time.  By the end of the day i thought my arm was going to fall off and did my shoulder ever hurt.

And it really hasn’t stopped hurting.  Sometimes its more cranky than others and then I’d baby it for a while, but it was always low level sore.

I called an osteopath once and when his office didn’t return my call in 4 days i got cheesed off and didn’t make an appointment when they finally called (i must have been more cranky than my shoulder was that day).

Finally, the other morning in the shower, i pulled myself up by my imaginary bootstraps and thought, Fox, for gods sake, get someone to look at your shoulder.

My chiropractor does that bioflex laser thing and I’ve been going for a few sessions and it’s fixing up quite nicely.  She also gave me exercises to do and so after confessing to my yoga class i asked them to do my exercises with me.

My BFF and i have been talking about this ache ‘n pain thing.  She has a sore heel that’s getting in the way of her running, which makes her unhappy because she can’t run and running makes her happy.  And we talked about how our aches and pains make us so darn cranky, when really, that’s life right?

There’s nowhere that says our bodies will be healthy and painfree for the time we meander this earth.  In fact its the opposite, we will, guaranteed, spend time sick, injured and in pain.  That’s just reality.

And i think that’s where i got to with my shoulder, i would feel the pinch and i would feel all unhappy about it and wish it were different but then not actually do anything about it.

I finally just got over myself.  Deal with it and just move on.

Our bodies can be such good teachers.  And our window for experiencing the world.  Scott Bea, a psychologist says that all fun comes through the physical, “No one ever says, ‘I had a fun time thinking last night.’”

It reminds me of something i read from Pema Chodron’s book, “The Wisdom of No Escape”

It is helpful to realize tht being here, sitting in meditation, doing simple everyday things like working, walking outisde, talking with people, eating, using the toilet, is actually all that we need to be fully awake, fully alive, fully human.  It’s also helpful to realize that this body that we have, this very body that’s sitting here right now in this room, this very body that perhaps aches, and this mind that we have at this very moment, are exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, and fully alive.  Furthermore, the emotions that we have right now, the negativity and the positivity, are what we actually need. It is just as if we looked around to find out what would be the greatest wealth that we could possibly possess in order to lead a decent, good, completely fulfilling, energetic, inspired life, and found it all right here.

I read an article on work/life balance and really like what Emily Hickey had to say.  She’s the CMO of Hashable and has a young child.  She owes her sanity to meditation, having a great spouse/support system and looking for the soft factors at work (like liking your co-workers).  Here’s what she says:

Humor and lightness really have to be at the core of the family and you have to be psyched that you have a family and sort of constantly aware that you chose to do this and be pretty joyful about that choice. I actually think it’s sort of a trick to be enjoying your family at that level on a daily basis versus just being overwhelmed by logistics and lack of personal time.

I’ve been having a tough time lately keeping all the balls in the air.  Some days it feels like chainsaws, some days, flaming torches.  I had a sleepover at a friend’s place last weekend and it was so nice to escape my life for 24 hours.

She lives in a straw bale house on a lake and it’s serene and beautiful and quiet there.  Just her and her two dogs and cat.  Pretty different from my noisy chaotic city life.

We played the Transformation game and i really focused on – how i can find more Balance in my life.  I know Balance is a moving target and as soon as you find it the pendulum swings and you’re out of whack somewhere again.  And that’s OK.

But enough Balance that i’m getting the quality things in life, even if it’s in small doses, instead of just more laundry.  A place where I’m doing the important things, The Wanna Do’s as well as the other important things, The Gotta Do’s.

The Wanna Do’s are the things that make me feel like I have something useful to offer my yoga classes.  Or a run on a Sunday morning to collect my thoughts.  Or take my kids to the park and not just wish they’d get out of my way so i can Get Things Done.

On Sunday after the sleepover I drove home feeling great.  I felt inspired and refreshed.  I felt like it was all possible.

And then I arrived home.  I walked in the door, through the house and immediately felt overwhelmed.

I walked past plants that were begging for water.  Walked over dust bunnies sticking their tongues out at me.  Overflowing laundry baskets. I felt completely and totally overwhelmed.  I was immobilized.  None of it felt possible.  I laid on the bed and felt sorry for myself.

And then I got my ass off the bed and got a few things done.  And then i felt like things were manageable again.

But looking back at it, i don’t want my mood to shift based on the number of crossed off items on my to-do list.  I’m a total accomplishment junkie but i don’t want to be.  I just want to feel good.  Regardless.

I’m getting better at realizing there will always be items on my to-do list.  I used to be able to do it all, now it just ain’t happening and that’s my life right now.  It’s ok.

But I want to go a step further and feel good regardless.

I heard an interview with Jill Bolte Taylor. She’s the one who did the amazing TED talk.  And she said in Oprah’s interview that as a brain scientist she can tell us that the chattery part of our brain that obsesses over to-do lists is a bunch of neurons the size of a peanut.  Those thoughts that were driving me bananas are the product of a few cells.  And since i can’t hold two thoughts in my head at once – i can choose.

I can decide to wallow in my overwhelm, or i can choose another thought.  I have control over making friends with both my Gotta Do list and my Wanna Do list.  And make sure i get some of both in my day.  I can stay in the present moment and enjoy what i’m doing rather than wish i was doing something else.  And i can feel good regardless of any list.

I’ve been thinking about Squash Soup because it’s easy to make and it’s great during a detox.  It’s filling and delicious.  I tripped over this recipe and really liked the spices in it.  I don’t know what a Red Kuri is, i’d just make it with my ol’ fave Butternut.

It makes a barrel of soup, which is handy.  It feels like you’re always cooking on a detox.  It’s perfect when you feel like having some friends over.  You can convince them that detoxing doesn’t mean subsisting on brown rice.  And you get leftovers too.  Thanks goodness it freezes well.  So make it during week one of your detox and take some out to defrost for week two.

If you’re someone who loves crunchy bread with your soup,  try brown rice cakes with hummous, mushed up avocado or butter.

Here’s the recipe with a few adjustments to make it detox-friendly:

Red Kuri Squash Soup
Serves eight to twelve, with leftovers

Ingredients
2 lb. red kuri squash
1½ c. onion, diced
2 tsp. garlic, minced
2 tbsp. butter
½ tsp. ground cardamom
2 tsp. ground cumin
2 tsp. ground coriander
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
2 c. water
21 c. vegetable stock
Salt

1. Roast the squash in a 350º oven 60-90 minutes, or until soft. When cool, scoop out the flesh.

2. Sweat onion and garlic in butter in a large pot on medium heat until soft.

3. Add the spices (cardamom, cumin, coriander, cinnamon) and white wine. Cook on medium heat until liquid is reduced by half.

4. Add squash flesh and vegetable stock.

5. Simmer on medium-low heat 30 minutes.

6. Puree the ingredients in the pot with an immersion blender (if you don’t have one, transfer in batches to a blender).

I find lately that my life is crazy enough that I need to do 3 things regularly to keep my cool and my sanity.   I need to exercise with some regularity.  I need to sit and follow my breath for 10 minutes every a.m. while the house is quiet, and these days, dark.  And i need to listen to good stuff while i drive to work.

Good stuff recently has been Pema Chodron CDs that were recorded during a weekend workshop that she gave called Going to the Places That Scare You.   She went through a ton of material but thankfully repeated the purpose often enough that I can recite it here – it’s about abiding with the feelings without believing your own thoughts and beliefs about them.

I love the word “abiding”.  It means lasting for a long time.  Becoming a permanent fixture.  Just hanging out rather than freaking out and pushing back against every yucky thing that happens.

Now that’s good stuff.  And exactly what i need when life is on the verge of being overwhelming at any moment. Here was something she said at the end of one CD that really struck me:

It’s not about getting it right, it’s about becoming more connected with your life and other people

Don’t believe the bullshit that you’re a failure or helpless or be embarassed about yourself.

Always realize that anything you’re feeling is a doorway to enlightenment.

The other night I was racing around getting ready to teach a yoga class and my son was in a Mood.  One of those lotsa energy, kinda crazy moods.  He took a bag of megablocks and dumped it out in the hallway and started playing with them.  Not building anything but driving a toy truck into them and spreading them around.

Now i personally need the house to look somewhat decent for yoga.  I don’t want someone coming to my home yoga studio to chillout and open the door to total chaos.

Since someone standing at the door can see down the hall I decided these blocks *needed* to be put away.

So I asked and cajoled and helped and we got the blocks put away.  Whew.  Then as the last one went in the bag he had an impulsive moment and dumped them all out again.

I was pissed.  The Control Freak in me was so mad that I had *just* gotten that done and he promptly undid it.  And the Practical Person in me was just cheesed that he did such a dumb thing – it’s not logical to undo what needs to be done!   And then the Impatient side got in there because I had decided this task needed to be done before yoga class and time was a-ticking!  And the Yogi in me was pissed because i was all stressed and instead i should be all calm and dripping with yogic peacefulness and how dare my child mess with my serenity?

What transpired after that will not show up in Stellar Moments in Parenthood. I did the my-way-or-the-highway thing.  The you-get-back-here-young-man stuff.  The kind of freaking out that only results in him feeling just as emotional as I am. I was not a good example of grown up behaviour.

It’s hard because I was raised in a pretty authoritarian household.  We listened to our parents or we got a spanking, simple as that.  And while I’m not doing the spanking thing, I have a hard time pulling back on something once I’ve asked him to do something.

Once I’ve asked, i feel i have to follow through or i’m giving in or letting him off the hook or all sorts of bad things that’ll ensure he’s a gang member by 13.  But the bottom line is that when he’s in that Mood there’s no point.  He’s not in a place where he’s going to learn or cooperate or get any value from my Important Lessons.  It’s best to recognize it, get him going on the next thing and let go of the rest.

Man, it takes a lot of discernment to make it through that process.

And i had zero discernment because i was Mad.  I’ve learned from situations like that that if i’m angry i need to deal with that first.  Before doing One Other Thing.  It’s not the situation’s fault, it’s my anger at my kid that’s going to make me do something regretful.

I look back on it and think, why couldn’t i tell him i was disappointed that he undid our good work and leave it at that?  And why couldn’t i either ignore the blocks or pick them up myself?  I could have chosen to be all yogic and dripping with peacefulness regardless of what my son did.  And really, isn’t that the essence of being peaceful?  Like that Gandhi quote that you see at the bottom of people’s emails, “be the peace that you want to see in the world”.

Since that time I’ve set my intention to try to stay aware enough, when things get challenging with my son, to notice when I get triggered.  Then I can deal with my own Mad first, and my son *only when i’m thinking clearly*.

Taking the long view really helps.  When my son is heading off to college will i say, “dammit at least i taught him to put the blocks away when i told him to.”  While cleaning up after oneself is important –  putting the blocks away, that one day, that one time?  Probably not important.

I was talking to a friend about the pain of taking things personally.  She and her husband are working to improve their relationship and talk meaningfully about things.

As a result, he told her what he really thought about her and their homelife and it wasn’t easy to hear.  It cut her to the core.

It’s a tough one. I find myself responding that way too, all time.  Getting so damn hurt by the things that happen.  It made me think about how to get out of it.  How do you get to the place where you can move on?

Here’s what I came up with.  Dive In.  The first thing to do is dive into it.  Does it bother you because it’s dead wrong or right?  Be brutally honest.  And kind.

Is it something you’d like to change?  How does it relate to in-grown patterns?  Is the behavior a pattern itself?  Or do you find yourself reacting out of a long-standing pattern?  If so, what alternative action could you choose here?  Maybe use the opportunity to try it out.  Or at least notice what it might be, for next time.

Don’t Let Go, Yet.  It’s a great time to really feel the emotion.  We’re always so quick to say – I’m letting this go!  Because yeah, emotions can be uncomfortable, they can be icky.  But the only way out is through.  Feel all the ickiness that comes up.  Don’t worry, they can’t hurt you.  Keep breathing.  Curl up under a blanket with some kleenex. Let the little five year old inside holler, “it’s not fair!”.  Tell yourself, “It’s not my fault.” Allow all of it.

Do a Victim Check.  Check into whether you’re in victim mode.  It’s such an easy one to drop into, but really, *nothing* useful happens when you’re there. As long as we’re blaming another person we won’t take any useful action, other than maybe slashing the person’s tires.  Not the best choice.

The best way I’ve found to deal with victim is to step into the other person’s space.

Get Empathetic. My friend did this really well.  She wanted to dive into what her husband was saying because she loves him.  She’s invested in the relationship.  She reminded herself of that.  She worked on seeing the situation from his viewpoint.  She tried to step into his shoes.

Forgiven, Forgiven. I’ve also found that when i feel some leftover ickiness i forgive the person.   It’s not about right or wrong or who’s justified, when I’m ready to move past all that I find i just need to let them off the hook.

I use Tara Brach‘s suggestion of saying to myself, “forgiven, forgiven, forgiven”.  I forgive them for being honest and noticing the lousy parts of me.  I forgive myself for having parts that I’d like to change.  I forgive my family history. I forgive the sky for being dark and rainy.  I forgive anything I can think of until I feel clearer and cleaner.

Because once you clear that stuff out and feel every bit of it, then you can consider the next stage.

Look Again.  Once you’ve experienced all the emotion, then you can look at the situation with a bit more distance.  You can look at it a bit more clinically, checking the situation for solutions, because once you’re through the emotions then you’re past react-mode.  You can move into act mode.

Reframe The Situation. How can you look at the situation and say, “yeah i need to work on this area, no biggie, everyone has challenges and this one is mine”.  How can you get to, “yeah this is tough situation, now I need to deal.”  How can you get past the freaking out and move onto a Meh,-it’s-just-life view?

You know?  What will it take it be OK with this?  How can you get to the stage where you’re just ready to deal?  If you’re not ready for the next stage, maybe you need to go back and repeat the previous steps.  It’s ok, we all deal with stuff in different ways and with different timing.

Find Your Inner Warrior.  The last stage is feeling your skin thicken.  Now you can find your inner warrior.  You’re moving on, you’ve reframed the situation, you’ve decided on your action – now is the time to feel your strength.  Not shutting down, but finding your quiet, inner knowing.  Your inner toughness.

This is the part of the process where you take the pain of the situation and turn it around.  You’ve taken it personally but now you know it intimately.  You’ve dug in, you understand it, and you own it, whatever the outcome is.

I heard this poem recently and loved the bit about “what batters you becomes your strength”.  Here it is: